I love you, as an experiment.

When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

It is an incredible feeling to tell someone that you love them. Either you see them fluster or you are embarrassed or basically just a bunch of feelings happen. It’s awesome. That is, if you are not one of those people who are just too jaded to say it any more. Try saying it to someone at 28, at 30, at 32. When you have been through the love of your life and have cried buckets over someone and have felt your heart literally break down in pieces. You go through all that, and you basically preserve your emotions in a vat of alcohol, safe for all eternity.

That’s when you realize. It’s an incredibly dopey thing to say.

I tried doing it a few days back. Not because I felt the emotion. I did it just to see what it feels like. You know, like sometimes you try on a dress or eat something different or drive really fast or do one more shot. I decided to say the L word.

And it’s not like it used to be. Remember how it used to be? Doesn’t teenage angst give a pathetically golden sheen to everything? If I knew we sounded this stupid while saying it when we were 15, I never would have been able to have the chequered life I have led. Embarrassment kills a lot of experiences.

And it wasn’t stupid because I put myself out there or anything like that. We’re adults. We’re allowed to do that. It was more because what I felt was the incredible weight of a thousand bollywood clichés and gazillion SRKs standing with their hands wide open and a mishmash of about a hundred Adele song lyrics.

I said it. Then I cringed.

Listen. If you really want to make someone believe you, don’t use these words. Or just text them.

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One comment

  1. samudranb · December 14, 2014

    When you can say it like a soldier salutes his flag. Without a single cringe. Without a single doubt. Without a single weight on your shoulders. Without a single quiver in your voice.

    And when the other person believes you. Even before you say it. When you could gargle incomprehensible syllables inside your mouth and still get a loving response back. When you could be super mad at each other, but know that your anger has only fueled your love more.

    That.

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