Killing yourself is so easy. It’s even easier when you have tried it once. Then you know what not to do. That is more important than knowing what to do.
All the drug related experiences I read of, people say how it’s a constant battle. About how every minute of every day, they have to keep saying no. I don’t know what it feels like, but I’m sure that death is a similar temptation. Especially because it is simpler. To get drugs, you need to know people, have money or influence or something to sell. And to get high, you need to lose yourself, give into a bigger force. Death is an easier drug than any other known to man. It can be relatively painless, needs no external help and is so easily accessible. More importantly, it does not feel like giving in. Or even giving up. It feels like victory. Like you were able to outsmart everyone else and get away. Like you are the best. No other drug makes you feel like the king of the world. Not such a king as this one.
People give up drugs for years and then go back. They stay sober for decades and then just say yes once. And they die. Or they die anyway. Either way, there is only one escape. So once you realise that escape route, once you open that door, there is no closing it. Every time there is any problem, the slightest roadblock, that is the first thing you will see. The temptation to not have problems is so great. Much greater than any other chemically induced escape ever will be. Being suicidal is not a feeling. It’s not a transient experience that you will learn from and move on to be a better, more alive person. It is a way of life. You will be fighting against death, even as you fight for life. Every moment.