Why I love this god awful year.

You know what’s the most awesome way to end an year? Discovering something absolutely new about yourself. Not in a ’Hey! This is a new mole/wrinkle/stretch mark’ sort of way. In a ‘there seems to be a whole new person in the mirror, and I wouldn’t mind getting to know her a bit’ sort of way.

Last year, I discovered that I am one heck of a woman when cornered or hurt. And it was great knowing that, because now in any problem, I look back and say ‘I got through that, and I will get through this’. Wonderful self-motivation.

But this year managed to shock me even more. It’s like I’m not just growing older, but growing wiser as well, and trust me, I did not see that coming.

For starters, I let go of someone who I thought was a huge driving force in my life. You think people care for you, look out for you and you take decisions because you think you owe them, for giving you a chance. But you don’t. And  they end up being just a very shallow and selfish replica of whatever god like stature you had given them.  Thankfully the only thing I lost out of an extreme error in judgment was my need for validation. I realized that when you ask people to approve, you give them a chance to demand proof. (This does not work as well as that line about ‘assume’ and ‘ass of you and me’. Dammit.)

Anyhow, the point being, if you let go of the need for validation, you pretty much end up being happy and resting at peace spontaneously – like a cheerful corpse, but alive and glowing and everything. (And if you have seen any of my recent pictures you will vouch for the change yourself.)

Another interesting by product of this is that you no longer attach a price tag to your effectiveness as a professional. Or rather the price tag stops being a bother, apart from on days when there are shoe sales going on. That, is an awesome time to go say hi to that person in the mirror. Just after you choose to be happy and do your best and make it all work, and stop grabbing at the main chance. Right after this realization. Because growing up is a very nice feeling to have.

(I said up, not old. Okay? Okay.)


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