Hunger

What do I look like through the smoke?

I, in my naiveté, believe that you cannot see me at all.

As if the smoke from this cigarette was enough to shield the real me, and create a mirage for you to fall in love with.

If this was not the case, I wonder if women (or men) would bother to smoke?

If it was not taking you from what you are to what you want to pretend to be, would you create that curtain around you?

Maybe, without the smoke, you won’t think I’m as bright or as pretty as you thought I was. But then, no one ever is, which is why it always feels okay to spend on alcohol and such vices. (I’m paraphrasing this line from Fry and giving due credit, though I hardly think he will care.)

But honestly, I wonder, if you saw me, without the smoke, or without the excuse of alcohol, or without the anonymity in a DM or a message, would you still be so fascinated?

And this is the moment when the writer in me is suspended, and all I have is a tragic longing for you to say yes.

I might have the words, and they look really nice on paper (Let me be immodest and say they look damn good), but I’m a woman in myself. I don’t always have the answers down pat, and it is easier for me to be formidable in word than in deed, but this is when I wish you would say that you love me, and not my words.

Can you? Love me, without my words?

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3 comments

  1. G · March 29, 2013

    What will be the worth of being loved for who you are not? – an image, a mirage, an impression… Is that you?

    That veil of smoke that seduces or seemingly lures, doesn’t it cloud your own Idea and Memory of you eventually before it Dissolves into Dis-enchantment by the One you are hungering for, seeking, and longing for.

    As for Fascination, all things Truly Real and Beautiful, Enchantment is Forever in the Bare. The heartfelt, the honest, the humble, the pure. It’s in pleading to be filled where you genuinely ‘lack’ (growth), in glimmers where you are Gifted, without the slightest avarice. Enchantment then is a function of the truth in the eyes of the Fascinated. Let ‘him’ be burdened with its workings…

    Woman and Words. The heart (which isn’t devoid of intelligence) is what stands between the two. THAT is the Perfect Cover, the Perfect Shield if you may…. can smoke anyone out….. Try getting inflamed… You’ll see.

  2. MindLicker · April 13, 2013

    ^… Enchantment is truly forever in the bare. And that is an ideal. But the smoke builds such a mist-erious aura, that the bare is just seemingly far far away of the sight you yearn to be a part of. The aura on the other hand raises a seductive curiosity, short-sighted and short-lived. So, even my question is ‘Can you love me, without my words?

    • G · May 30, 2013

      If you can Be the Meaning without them.

      The yearning is yearning enough only if you can bring the far near. The far that’s far to you.

      If it’s short-sighted, whey even bother? Let it go. There’s always another. This is a room full of smokers wasting themselves away in the Mirage. Someone will always lick, someone will puke, someone will slap, someone kiss. But who sees?

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