I recently finished reading the Ramayana series by Ashok Banker, and now have my head full of quasi-dharma centered notions. So much so that knowledgeable parties have attested to a kind of spiritual change in me, which leads to a lot more selflessness and alcohol than can be good for me. It’s a good place to be in. Being entirely self-aware. Knowing your loves and losses, and accepting both. And frankly, I never thought I would be there. Ever.
But today, I am at a place where I do not wish to think of myself all the time. And that is an achievement indeed, for a person as innately selfish as me.
This self-awareness business is all good, but the bigger realization has been that, sometimes, it’s okay to be unhappy. He told me today, (Do not ponder over the ‘he’, it will lose his dream like quality) he told me today, that he does not want to be the cause of my unhappiness.
Have you ever heard those words from someone? “I do not wish to cause you pain.”
People say them with a particular air. It’s superiority mixed with x amount of care and y amount of smugness. In effect, they are saying “I, who am stronger than you, would like to show that I care, by pointing out your weakness.”
So he did as well, lofty and idealistic that he is, still succumbing to hubris. All I could think of in response, was what Ravana used as an excuse to explain his existence “There is no good in this world without evil. Light is only defined by the darkness around. And both of them must exist together for the world itself to exist”. Or words to that effect.
And similarly, if he causes me some unhappiness, he also provides the mitigating happiness.
Clever me. Telling him three things in one go.
He causes me pain. He brings me joy. Together they make my whole universe.