My truth.

I sit in the same room.

I look around and I see the images in my head.

Actually, I don’t.

I don’t see images. I recognize the blows.

I see the mirror across the room, and how he pinned me against the wall next to it, and how I hit him with a baby powder bottle, because that was all that was close.

I sit on the bed and I remember the kicks to my belly and my back. The ones that left livid red marks, which have just started fading away. I remember him watching me curl up and cry because his shoes has hit a rib, and I could not get up.

I remember him on top on me, choking me, and me ripping off his shirt, his chain, anything, just to breathe again.

How did it start?

Because I refused to leave the room. I refused to make tea for him. (I had cooked an anniversary dinner the night before, candlelight and all, and I thought I did not have to make the tea, just me being lazy).
He tore the newspaper and I threw it back at him.

And he slapped me.

He slapped me because I threw a newspaper at him.

And I did not know what to say. In my head I was screaming “Get out. Get out now”.

I got up and told him to leave my house, and went and sat on a chair across the room. And cried.

Me: Get out of my house.

He came and towered on top on me. (He’s 40 kgs. heavier, and about  ten inches taller.) So yes, towered.

I shouted –“Get out of my house.”

He pushed me back in the chair, and there was the hand around my neck. I cannot breathe. And another slap. My lip was cut open, and bleeding.

I try to get up, kick out, anything to get that hand off. Finally I do. And he pins me against the wall. Next to the mirror, I can’t reach him, my hands don’t do any damage, I cannot breathe. I hit him with a powder bottle. He’s repeating “You bitch. You slut”. There is powder all over the room.

He says “Are you sure this is over now? Are you sure?.

I shout: YES. Get out.

Him: It’s not. You owe me money bitch. Give me ten grand. Right now. Why don’t you have it, you bitch?

I try to run past him and he pushes me across the room, onto the bed. I try to hit his legs, and he kicks me. In the belly. I curl up and start shouting for help. My roommate’s younger sister is in the next room. She cannot hear me yet.

He says: “Really _____, you want to do this now?” and kicks me again. And more choking. I blindly reach my hand out and grab the rubber exercise thing and lash out. It hits him on the legs. And the plastic handle flies out. Still, his hands, around my neck. I grab his shirt and it rips. The chain around his neck breaks.

Finally he lets me go.

I grab his bag and run to throw it out of the house.  I’m screaming Get out. GET OUT.

He follows me out in the hall, and is enraged that I dared to touch his stuff.

Pushes me down on the ground and kicks me some more. I pick up the ceramic bowl (my cat’s drinking bowl) and hurl it in the air. Misses him by miles.

Him: You want to go file a police complaint now? You want to complain?

I yell: YES.

And he pushes me down again.

The roommate is terrified and is calling her sister for help.

I run out of the house, because he won’t leave.

I throw his bag down the stairs, and he pins me against another wall. His hands are so big. I cannot breathe. I cannot breathe.

My neck is paining and my whole body hurts.

And then he tries to push me down the stairs.

I cling to the banisters, and shout for help. The neighbours come out.

I run to the house and he tries to enter behind me. I bolt the outer door.

The neighbors tell him to leave.

And finally , he does.

(PS: He fell down two days before this, in the bathroom. That is the big bruise on the arm. I put ice and boroline on it, and fed him because his hand hurt. I’m that stupid)

Also, the “him” in the above description is Nikhil Kumar Verma. His twitter handle is @inkv .

IMG_20121101_215534

Advertisements

48 comments

  1. paritosh · November 1, 2012

    I can’t even begin to imagine how brave someone has to be to document such a traumatic, deeply personal experience on a blog.
    Conversely it is a critical record if only to serve as a loud warning of clear and present dangers in unequal, exploitative relationships.

  2. sakshikumarindia · November 2, 2012

    Reblogged this on JUSTICE FOR WOMEN and commented:
    Blogpost by domestic violence victim. Do have a read.

  3. Zena Costa · November 2, 2012

    Hey ! Im really upset for what you are going through…It takes a lot to write this here…YOU KNOW WHAT ??? I’m gonna be BRUTALLY HOnest with you!! You gotta move on….STOP TAKING CRAP!! Often We get caught up in destructive relationships. I was caught up in a marriage of similar hell!. We had a 9 month old. I loved him ,but ……..GIRL ,Leave him before he kills you. I got a divorce and also fought a child custody battle.
    Whenever we are abused SELF ESTEEM is at zero. BUT DIG DEEP!!
    We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?”
    Actually, who are you not to be?
    .
    Your playing small does not serve the world——INFACT you sharing this says YOU ARE BRAVE ,YOUR SPIRIT IS ALIVE!!
    There is nothing self respecting about letting him do that to you so that he doesnt feel insecure
    around you.
    .For many years, I shut down that place inside myself that needed to rage, cry, ask questions and basically just express herself. I made a conscious choice when I put ‘Me and a Gun’ on the record not to stay a victim anymore.”I’m proud. Proud of me. I’ve fought to keep going and succeeded, I felt like giving up but I never did. I kept going. My experiences have only made me more determined to fulfill my dreams and live life to the fullest.
    I guess what I’m trying to say is that I won. Over The Brute. I raise my son alone. Its deeply empowering And I always will because there’s nothing anyone can do to me that will take away who I am. PLEASE let me know if you wanna talk this over
    I speak openly of my life because your post gave me courage to do so

  4. mystique16 · November 2, 2012

    How could one bear all this 😐

  5. Samarpita · November 2, 2012

    I can’t even begin to imagine how you got to document this trauma, but good you did. I don’t know you, and if you have decided for/against any action on this … but this guy is a beast, a mad beast. Mad beasts shouldn’t be allowed to mingle through humanity. I wish his mother knew of this episode and what a massive fail her upbringing is – mother’s need to, most of them are too busy grooming perfect marriage-material daughters, to bother give some manner classes to their ‘perfect sons’.
    You have been very brave about this, I am praying the emotional scars heal soon. *virtual hugs*

  6. S.karthik Rama Krishna · November 2, 2012

    My first reaction when i saw this,it was like what the hell is happening??? .Do put that person person behind bars , or do you need my help??? .I agree there is nothing called perfect relationships or so .But do every mate needs these kinda relationships?? .If so ,i do not know whether to call it as relationship or a slavery .I just like put a simple connotion whether can he do these things to another man?? no way he will damn kill him in the spot.Ah a women , that too a wife or in relationship= a bonded slavery .I do not say every men is like that or so.But these above said things virtual run in their homosapien brain.I would have been more happy if you would have put a pic slapping him. I like to see justice for women taking and initiating some steps for these kinda cases.My name is S.Karthik Ramakrishna and i am a law graduate,company secretary and a martial arts teacher (Wing chun kungfu ). For legal issues and other protection related matters people can contact me through my mail Id skrk1988@gmail.com.
    I stay,
    SKRK

  7. Sneha · November 2, 2012

    *hugs*

  8. Siddharth Sridhar · November 2, 2012

    This is really sad. No one should be subjected to this kind of behavior. This is just dementia. But it is as it is. Go get up girl and get the hell outta this. Pain and suffering is all you’re gonna get if this prevails.

  9. Pingback: My truth. | greenpre
  10. Somebody.Someday (@AwaaraMaseeha) · November 2, 2012

    Pardon my language. I am going to be a bit abusive here. It is because of such bastards and assholes, that i hang my head in shame and wonder how or why my daughter, when i have one, is going to be safe. Please, make an example out of this idiot. Cut his balls off. This time, an eye for an eye should be the way to go.

  11. Murtuz · November 2, 2012

    you are still in love? dont tell me yes.

    huh, girls are mad.

  12. Rishi Ayyer · November 2, 2012

    At first I took it to be amazing fiction, when a friend suggested this link. As I read on, I realized no one could write with such emotion offhand. And as I finished the article and saw the pic, I was in shock. I’m really sorry you had to endure such brutality, but it is time to move on and live the life you deserve. Justice, karma or not, will catch up with him.

  13. Meenakshi · November 2, 2012

    I am reading..and re-reading this. It’s only making me sick in my guts. Extremely sorry for what you had to go through. Hope you get a closure soon..

  14. Aditya · November 2, 2012

    This is so bad! Hope the guys get punished for this. More power to you!

  15. avinash godbole (@GodboleAvinash) · November 2, 2012

    brave girl, feel sorry for you and ashamed at the fact that educated guys could do something like this

  16. Oshomha (@heyshomy) · November 2, 2012

    Sorry for such a traumatic experience, and bold move there revealing his identity

  17. Writerzblock · November 2, 2012

    God!!! I couldn’t even bring myself to read the whole thing. It was that vicious an attack. I hope he is out of your life now. And lady, HATS OFF TO YOU FOR NAMING THE CRIMINAL. Most of the time, people like these get away with crimes simply because the victims feel ‘ashamed’ to take their name in public. So well done!! I hope you get your justice.

  18. RB · November 2, 2012

    This is terrible. Have you been to see the police?

  19. neha · November 2, 2012

    More courage to you. And please do whatever feels like the right thing. People will push you to complain to the police or tell you that you should have learnt martial arts so you could hit him back, or something else. Stay strong – and do what feels right.

  20. Sarah · November 2, 2012

    I am all choked! I am literally shivering with pain and fear.. Seriously can’t even imagine what you must have gone through.. bruises can be seen and physical hurt is curable but the damage done is far beyond imaginations.. I feel extremely sorry. Sigh! Your post just ripped my heart off.. I feel numb. I pray for you and your well being in every possible way. May God hug you right away and kiss away all your pains. Baby, just a piece of advice: PLEASE.. PLEASE..PLEASE LEAVE HIM! MOVE ON and NEVER LOOK BACK! YOU DESERVE ALL THE HAPPINESS AND LOVE..not this kinda treatment. No one on earth is subjected to such brutal treatment, whatever come may. Stand up for yourself and file a complaint against that monster..teach him a good lesson. Stay brave as you are..trust yourself and be confident..that demon never deserved even a single ounce of you. May he rot in HELL! God bless you always and more power to you girl! Feel like holding your hand and hugging you tightly!!! *Hugs*

  21. MP Singh (@NotThatMP) · November 2, 2012

    What difference does it make who instigated it? Physical abuse is just that: Abuse. What an idiot this guy Nikhil Kumar Verma! I hope his friends and colleagues censure him and do this beast a favour for life.

    I applaud your courage for sharing this, Kopal. Never bear physical or mental violence in silence, ring the bell! You have my sympathy and support.

    God bless!

  22. Subhash · November 2, 2012

    Shocking ,disgusting,such brutes exist these days is indeed most unfortunate.You pen it down brave girl for others to learn.god bless you.

  23. Just For Kicks · November 2, 2012

    That doesn’t look like an arm in pic…I tried looking at it from every angle, doesn’t look like a bicep or triceps or shoulder or forearm.. Could it be fake??
    Anyways, women want equality in every field, so i guess they deserve an equal beating too…
    & I don’t understand what this hue n cry is about.. She tried fighting back, she was weak, she got her ass kicked, she didn’t take the beating lying down… So i don’t think she was a victim.
    Suppose, two guys get into a fight, the weak one started it, he got his ass kicked, will you guys feel as bad for him?? I don’t think so, hell you might even enjoy watching the video on Youtube. SO, Give the Women the equality they have been asking for centuries, let them sort it out like men did..
    & Guys, shame on you for trying to hit on her in guise of sympathy… Get a life!!

    • Nandini Vishwanath · November 2, 2012

      May I just say that your comment disgusted me more than anything else in the recent past? Because I fight back, I don’t deserve justice? Wow. I think you shouldn’t get a life. I agree, we should.

    • Priya · November 12, 2012

      Your ignorant opinion speaks volumes of how you have been brought up. You sound as disgusting as the guy she described. You should be ashamed of yourself. Really.

    • Arunima Majhi · November 12, 2012

      The day your mother/sister/wife/girlfriend (god forbid) in such a situation, I’d like to see you harp on equality.Also, I’m sure, you are one of those ”men” who sit on a ”ladies’ seat’ deliberately in a bus and wouldn’t even offer it to an elderly/handicap man.Mr.Justforkicks, you need to nut up.

    • Vatsal Rathod · November 16, 2012

      I agree to one thing: losers hitting on her to cease the moment when she might be at her vulnerable peak. They must get a life. Disagree that she started the fight or deserves to be kicked, like how men fight. Real men never fight dude. No fight, or a disagreement for that matter, warrants a physical reaction. Only animals solve their disagreements with physical fights. We’re blessed with a thinking mind and, mostly, a functioning tongue and a pair of ears. If one makes proper use of these three organs, no disagreement needs a raised voice, let alone a raised fist. Amen!

    • Sighkopath · December 3, 2012

      @JustForKicks….I loved you comments….you speak truth….yes it is all about equality…women empowerment….women emancipation and all women blah…blah..blah…
      @Redchappal is real fool to start a fight…she should know she is weak…she will not be able to stand for herself, this guy @inkv is really great…this dude is cool…he knew where to kick and blast her, rip her clothes and land his punches, he is macho… he was not at all ruthless….he was just asking for money, which she owed to him for keeping this relationship…

      @justforkicks…Your comment has made me feel, why all men can’t think like you. We are men, we have strength…I would say like you said ….she was not a victim but an accused our man is a victim…YOU ARE AWSOME MAN!!
      Had there been truth in @redchappal narration she would have taken a legal course, but this timid female is writing a stupid story on a ‘free wordpress’ portal…aah these females…had she been a strong she would had a fought back…and saved another female…I know there is no truth…because she is there where she was…As you sow so shall you reap!

      Anyways…@justforkicks….as we male of the specie, know this guy, whom this lady is accusing of domestic violence , as per the ‘complaint’ on wordpress, could have left her handicap or dead is real HERO and genuine male.
      Justforkicks, just a question…is you dad same type…If yes…WoW! You are son of a chivalric male…..and your mom a pathetic lady…does your sis husband falls in same category….if yes…again….. WOW!!

      And if in case you are replying to my questions in negative….I can understand your plight…..but you can make some moves which would make you sound cool and bring in change to society which is riddled with the stories of these type of females…..we all know this guy has clean legal record and this guy can live with any female…..as the redchappal is busy collating ‘sympathy’ online and getting jealous about her cat giving priority to her bums rather than her….why don’t you get him home and ask him to spend some time with mom and later with your sister……and you should watch this from close quarter…you will get trained and set a good example…however small but you can make a difference!!
      (Hey would like readers of this comment to give standing ovation to JUSTFORKICKS!! Please Please))

      Anyways redchappal….will watch life of Pi…and wait for your next movie review..Dabang2….Does let me know if this guy kills you or some other female….

      BTW…why don’t you get some spycams installed and record your next beating to be posted on youtube and vimio ….visual have greater appeal……

      Take Care …oops…. RIP

  24. Naveen · November 2, 2012

    There is nothing worse than loving some one who keeps disappointing you and hurting you. I just hope you don’t love him.

  25. Roshni · November 2, 2012

    It takes guts; real guts to put up an account of such an incident. I salute you. Whoever you are and wherever you are. My heart goes out to you. And if there is any way, absolutely any way you need help. I swear you’ll find a huge group of people to help stand next to. 🙂 Best wishes *hugs*

  26. A digital mind · November 2, 2012

    Very saddened to hear about your experience. I hope the scars (both physical and mental) heal as soon as time will allow. The abuse you describe is truly disgusting and noone should be allowed to get away with treating another human being in that way – less still that one should have to endure such an ordeal.

    I’d like to wish you all the best in your recovery and your future.

  27. biginthepigcity · November 2, 2012

    shocking and yet very brave. Mr Girl Basher seems like a really sad excuse of a man.

  28. Jigar Doshi · November 2, 2012

    Don’t even know how to react!

    If I were in your place, I could never have mustered enough courage to even write a single word.

    Hope the guy gets punished severely.

  29. mahabanoo mody-kotwal · November 2, 2012

    THERE ARE ONLY TWO CHOICES IN FRONT OF SOMEONE WHO GOES THROUGH AN EXPERIENCE LIKE YOU DID..
    1) BE STRONG, AND TAKE ACTION OR
    2) CURL UP IN A CORNER AND DIE.
    YOU DON’T SEEM TO BE THE KIND TO OPT FOR THE 2ND CHOICE. I CERTAINLY HOPE SO!!
    SO GET UP. ACT!!! COMPLAIN. GET HELP AND THEN MOVE ON!!
    I SALUTE YOU FOR YOUR BRAVERY. HAVE YOU GOT DR.’S LETTERS? HAVE YOU FILED A COMPLAINT? THESE TWO THINGS ARE VERY NECESSARY.

  30. Prakruti Jhaveri · November 2, 2012

    Hugs. Prayers and healing vibes. Please take care. Try and heal your heart, mind and ego too along with the bruises. A victim myself, the latter is most painful. I would pray that he gets some professional help too. Was almost in tears after reading this. Lots of love from heart. Please be well lady.

  31. Tushar · November 2, 2012

    dunno wt to say…simply shocked and amazed.
    @Just For Kicks – ur an asshole…a big one…

    Just make sure this guy goes behind the bars…and NEVER EVER be back with him……

  32. Fay · November 2, 2012

    Hey umm,

    Im really sorry dude about this, god! I wish you all the love in the world man! I Hope he gets what he deserves! take care!

  33. SHAHZAD RAZA · November 2, 2012

    It’s horrific, what we read, onlw saw in movies, now feeling very bad after reading your true stories, I feel ashamed, you shve faith in humanity and have courage, we hope he should be booked for his nefarious acts.

  34. Aakriti(@QuirkandtheCity) · November 2, 2012

    I kept wincing while I read it. I can’t even imagine how you must be feeling that the guy you loved turned out to be like this. I’m so sorry that this happened to you. To think that this still happens in an educated society is appalling. PLEASE go to the police. PLEASE!! He deserves to be punished.

    Take care and kudos to you.

  35. Rinzu Rajan · November 2, 2012

    * Hugs * and kudos to your courage! Strength to you!

  36. Arunima Majhi · November 12, 2012

    This has left me shaken,stirred and somewhere emboldened.Thank you for inspiring me.I hope Nikhil Kumar Verma https://www.facebook.com/gryphusnick?fref=ts pays for this.

  37. noyon · December 10, 2012

    Did you file an FIR? Such an act deserves punishment… and that should be more than just this blog. He should have lost his job by now and been facing trials. I am sure you have enough friends to help you on this… I am just a passerby, but would be glad to help nail this guy!!

  38. jgrozny · January 1, 2013

    “My neck is paining and my whole body hurts.”
    “Paining” is no word. May the bugger rot in hell.

  39. aniruddha pathak · January 3, 2013

    ehh shocked totally..i hope he is put behind bars soon before he spoils any other female’s life

  40. shwetagurjar · February 18, 2013

    I just read your story! It is only lucky that you were not married to such a man and could eliminate him from your life almost immediately! You can connect with me anytime on shweta.cmn@gmail.com. take care, strong lady! xo

  41. Aditi Pathak (@adi11pthk) · February 22, 2013

    I’m glad that you were strong enough to stand up against him. Hope you are fine now…

  42. Monika Amita Bakshi · June 9, 2013

    Read your post. Painful! Saw this guys profile on LinkedIn. Don’t know which slang to use.

  43. Ananya · January 28, 2014

    Just read this… went to his twitter profile…. there seems to be a gap in his posts btween november 2012 and July 2013… pls tell me he was in jail for that much time…. even then, it feels like a very short time. Hope you are doing well!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s