All my epiphanies happen when I’m standing at a window gazing out.
There is something about been alone, and in your thoughts. It’s a scary territory. You look at the buildings and the trees and the traffic going on the road below, but what you actually see is the bigger picture.
The smoke from the nth cigarette of the day, turns it into a looking glass.
There are ways of looking at every situation. And invariably, I see the worst one. I see my vulnerability. And that’s the worst thing possible, when you know that nothing can be done. With the world in front of my eyes, and the horizon visible far off, I feel cornered.
There is nothing else to see, it’s the same view everyday. Buildings don’t change shape and roads don’t curve, and there is no cute stranger in the opposite window to fantasize about. So, I see inside. And it is scary. It’s like instead of the 2nd floor, I’m on the 100th and there is a yawning, gaping space underneath, and I’m on the ledge. Perpetually on the ledge.
I want to run away. But there is this view, and nothing else to see.
I’m starting to hate windows.